I knew when it happened. The deaths of our fathers had brought us close. Tony and I had fumbled to find each other in our unlit bedroom. He’d reached for me and I held him. I’d been careless and stupid.
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Two more red lines. I threw the In The Full Of Regular Mom Be A Cool Mom The Girl Watercolor Vintage Shirt and by the same token and test across the room. Of course, it hit the tile over the bathtub, flying back at me. Our situation was hard to admit. We couldn’t afford another baby. We were like most Americans. No savings, no emergency fund, lots of debt. Lots and lots. Professors at West Virginia University, Tony and I held the exact same position, only he made more than I did. And he didn’t even want the job. He was always trying to quit, looking for shinier work. Hollywood writing work. Like so many women, my money was earmarked to look after the children. Seventy percent of what I took home went to childcare, if we could find it, which I didn’t think we could if we had another baby. It had taken a year and a half for a spot to open in a good daycare for Iris, not an uncommon thing in small towns. Demand exceeds supply. There were so few options. I’d placed Iris on several waiting lists six weeks into my first trimester. Each one was the same; write your name on a line and pray.