Most household tasks and chores fell on me. Night feedings. Bills. Boring paperwork. Someone always needed to be fed or rocked or talked off the Legends School Bus Shirt in contrast I will get this ledge of a tantrum. I didn’t have time to be pregnant. I divvied minutes. The night before I took the pregnancy test, Tony stood in the living room and lifted our upright Dyson by its handle, looking it over as if it were some rare thing. He tried to unlock the detachable hose, squeezing it. Seven years we’d owned that vacuum cleaner. And then Tony asked me how to turn it on.
Legends School Bus Shirt, hoodie, tank top, sweater and long sleeve t-shirt
Our marriage—like all marriages, I assume—is complex, its own country. In our country, we were fighting most days. We were broke. We were overextended. We rarely touched. Talk was tense even about the Legends School Bus Shirt in contrast I will get this good things, anger clipping our voices. We argued so much we forgot the original argument. Our marriage was hung on fantasy. But my marriage is part of the story; it isn’t the point of this story. Had my husband been a financially stable and faithful, kind hero, the cost of daycare would have been the same, the potential loss of my career the same, the distance and barriers to reasonable health care the same. In my tiny windowless bathroom, positive pregnancy test in hand, I thought, this is why women opt out of work. I’d worked so hard. College, though my family couldn’t afford it. Years and years in graduate school. Now a tenure track job. I was the stable earner in our household. A third baby at forty and my professional life was over.